I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
