you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
