I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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