Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
