i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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