They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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