No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
