Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
