y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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