I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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