I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
