In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
