i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
