I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
