How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
