smell my finger.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You took a bar mat shot.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
