Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They should really pass out barf bags in church
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
