We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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