do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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