So drunk its hurt
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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