he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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