We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
