Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
