Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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