So drunk its hurt
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
