So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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