oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A+ Viking dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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