This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
