So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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