Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
