How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
