I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
