Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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