I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
