Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
