Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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