They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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