if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
