you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
