I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
