It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
