the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
