i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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