i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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