38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
