I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
