it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
