the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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