I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
