Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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