Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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