I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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