I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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