these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
