some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
