We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
