I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
