There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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