Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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