i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will be naked everywhere
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
