I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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