She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
