My Higher Power is John Stamos
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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