this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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