how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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