I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't deserve a penis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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